Don’t mess with ole guys !!!

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading an old tired mule.  The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.  He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, “Hey old man, have you ever danced?”

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No, I never did dance… never really wanted to.”

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger  grinned and said, “Well, you old fool, you’re gonna dance now,” and started shooting at the old man’s  feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.

Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.  When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old  man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.  The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.

The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 10 gauge barrels.  The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man’s hands, as he quietly said, “Son, have you ever kissed a mule’s ass?”

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No sir … but… I’ve always wanted to.”

There are a few lessons for us all here:

  • Never be arrogant.
  • Don’t waste ammunition.
  • Whiskey makes you think you’re smarter than you are.
  • Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
  • Don’t mess with old folks, they didn’t get old by being stupid.

A hilarious mail from a frustrated victim of chain emails…

I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain emails to me in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010 and hopefully will continue for years to come…

Because of your kindness:

* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it’s good for removing toilet stains.

* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

* Forwarded hundreds of mails but still waiting for the FREE DESKTOP, LAPTOP, CAMERA, CELLPHONE etc…..

* I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

* I don’t leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.

* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill with calls to Uganda, Pakistan, Singapore or Tokyo!!!

* I also stopped drinking anything out of a Can for fear that I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine.

* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times…. (Poor girl! She’s been 7 since 1993…)

* Still open to help somebody from Nigeria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle’s property of $ 100 million. So much trustworthy.

* I have forwarded 35 emails to 400 people hoping that Ericsson or Nokia will send me latest mobile phones but those models are also obsolete now.

* Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh , Tirupathi Balaji pics etc. Now most of those ‘Wishes’ are already married….to someone else…. ;)

So…THANK YOU SO MUCH :)

NOW IMPORTANT NOTE…

If you do not send this e-mail to at least 11,246 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will Pee on your head at the next 6:30 pm.

Nothing has happened till now………but who knows???

So please forward.

9 Ways to effectively use technology for a smart job search

Searching for a job?
But still following traditional ways?
It’s time for a change.

It won’t be easy to enhance your chance of getting a job if you cling to the older ways of job search.

The technologies available today can double the chances of getting a preferred one, but they should be used in the correct way at the correct time.

“Technology is a job hunter’s friend, but only if you use it correctly”, says Kate Wendleton, President of The Five O’Clock Club, a U.S.-based career coaching and outplacement network.

Here are nine suggestions by Wendleton on proper new technology etiquette for job hunters.

Make your first impression the old-fashioned way…

Since hiring managers use to get too much e-mails and spam, chances are there that your mail might get deleted by them. When hiring managers get an unsolicited e-mail that they don’t recognize, they may well hit ‘delete’ without ever opening it. What’s the solution then? Go for snail mail, as it is the best way to get recognized by hiring managers. “It allows you to take advantage of paper quality, resume design, and appealing typefaces so that the package you are sending is more like a printed marketing piece than a quick solicitation,” says Wendleton. This will differentiate you from other candidates.

E-mail is best for follow-up and networking…

Suppose you want send a link to showcase your work after a meeting or indicate a relevant article reflecting the content of your conversation, E-mail would be the most suitable form of communication. But important follow-ups should always be sent by snail mail also, to assure that the formatting will be correct and the letter won’t get lost in cyberspace. E-mail is ideal for building networks also. One should always put the person’s name, by whom he has been introduced, in the subject line to be sure you are not automatically deleted (e.g. “Bob Smith Suggested That I Contact You”).

When following up after a job interview…

The form of follow-up for the organization or person you will be contacting is a vital thing. According to Wendleton, since hiring decisions are made very quickly these days, one should send an e-mail follow-up and also mail a copy of his follow-up influence letter. Also, at the end of the interview, one should ask the interviewer how he or she prefers to be contacted.

Use mobile devices only in a pinch…

Generally mobile messages are composed in a hurry and in a quick reaction to an inbound e-mail. Therefore most of the times, the tone in a mobile message tends to be crisp and likely to be misunderstood. Hence, if it is necessary to use it, you should always proofread before sending it out.

To sell yourself to potential employers, don’t “cell” yourself…

One should never use a cell phone for telephone interviews or other phone communication, even if it’s just a cursory screening interview. Chances are there that the interviewer could easily miss words, lose the tone of your voice, or not hear your emphasis on a critical question. And if it happens, you will fail to communicate your energy and enthusiasm.

Don’t call your interviewers on their cells, either…

As an applicant for a job, you should never make an initial or introductory call to a hiring manager’s cell phone. Mobile phones are mostly perceived as private as their home phones, therefore, an unsolicited call from a job hunter may disturb a hiring manager, and it virtually guarantees a negative result.

Avoid instant messaging and social networks for first-time communication…

Instant messaging is a permission-based concept. People invite others of their choosing to interrupt them with instant messages. Seeking out and finding a hiring manager via IM is considered intrusive. The same holds true for social networking.

“Even though the Internet enables you to search out an individual using directory tools or through social networks, it is not acceptable to approach future employers using these tools,” says Wendleton.

How to handle yourself in your boss’ absence?

It is a common tendency amongst employees to relax and sit back when their bosses aren’t around. It is the perfect working situation one could ask for. No one to question you for coming in late or reprimand for taking so many coffee/cigarette breaks. You can do work at your own pace.

However, we seldom remain that responsible when we are not watched over. That after all is basic human psychology. But being responsible when you are not watched over is what counts the most and can save you from many unwanted situations.

You can fall trap into the office grapevine and backbiting leading others to form wrong impressions about you. It’s also very easy for this impression to circulate back to your boss at some point; and by then, it’s too late to correct it.

So here are some tips to handle yourself when your boss is not around:

  • Be disciplined and make sure you don’t fall into a comfort zone.
  • Put everything on mail, so your ‘sent items folder’ can be your instant back up for each of your actions.
  • Provide solutions instead of just citing your problems. You will be appreciated more when you take charge of actions rather than just surfacing with problems.
  • Talk to your boss as often as possible. It is necessary for him/her to be updated and intimated of your views.
  • Summarize your day so that your boss is aware of the work you did in the day.
  • Build good rapport with others and try to win them over.
  • Finally if all else fails, have a backup plan ready! Being prepared for the worst hurts nobody.

Words to Live By

1. If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Don’t worry about what people think; they don’t do it very often.

3. Going to a church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. It isn’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. (Just remember how lucky you were to get a free trip around the sun.)

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make the ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. If you must choose between two evils, choose the one that you’ve never tried before.

Faith

 

Story told by a man which is most frightening yet thought-provoking experiences of his life. He had been on a long flight.  The first warning of the approaching problems came when the sign on the airplane flashed on: “Fasten your seat belts.”Then, after a while, a calm voice said, “We shall not be serving the beverages at this time as we are expecting a little turbulence. Please be sure your seat belt is fastened.”

As he looked around the aircraft, it became obvious that many of the passengers were becoming apprehensive. Later, the voice of the announcer said,  ”We are so sorry that we are unable to serve the meal at this time. The turbulence is still ahead of us.”

And then the storm broke.  The ominous cracks of thunder could be heard even above the roar of the engines.  Lightening lit up the darkening skies, and within moments that great plane was like a cork tossed around on a celestial ocean.  One moment the airplane was lifted on terrific currents of air; the next, it dropped as if it were about to crash.

The man confessed that he shared the discomfort and fear of those around him.  He said, “As I looked around the plane, I could see that nearly all the passengers were upset and alarmed. Some were praying.

The future seemed ominous and many were wondering if they would make it through the storm. And then, I suddenly saw a girl to whom the storm meant nothing. She had tucked her feet beneath her as she sat on her seat and was reading a book.

Everything within her small world was calm and orderly.  Sometimes she closed her eyes, then she would read again; then she would straighten her legs, but worry and fear were not in her world.  When the plane was being buffeted by the terrible storm, when it lurched this way and that, as it rose and fell with frightening severity, when all the adults were scared half to death, that marvelous child was completely composed and unafraid.”

The man could hardly believe his eyes. It was not surprising therefore, that when the plane finally reached its destination and all the passengers were hurrying to disembark, he lingered to speak to the girl whom he had watched for such a long time.

Having commented about the storm and behavior of the plane, he asked why she had not been afraid.

The sweet child replied, “Sir, my Dad is the pilot, and he is taking me home.

 

 

The Tailor’s Needle

 

A tailor was at work. He took a piece of cloth and with a pair of shining, costly, scissors, he cut the cloth into various bits. Then he put the pair of scissors at his feet. Then he took a small needle and thread and started to sew the bits of cloth, into a fine shirt. When the spell of sewing was over, he stuck the needle on to his turban.

The tailor’s son who was watching it asked him: “Father, the scissors are costly and look so beautiful. But you throw them down at your feet. This needle is worth almost nothing; you can get a dozen for an anna. Yet, you place it carefully on your head itself. Is there any reason for this illogical behaviour?”

“Yes, my son. The scissors have their function, no doubt; but they only cut the cloth into bits. The needle, on the contrary, unites the bits and enhances the value of the cloth. Therefore, the needle to me is more precious and valuable. The value of a thing depends on its utility, son, not on its cost-price or appearance.

Similarly, there are two classes of people in the world-those who create dissensions and disharmony, who separate man from man; and those who bring about peace and harmony, who unite people.

The former are generally the rich people, powerful politicians and kings; the latter are generally the poor devotees of God, the penniless wandering monks, and mendicants. The Lord makes use of both to carry on his function of providing the field for the evolution of individual souls. He throws down on the dust the mighty kings and millionaires who create wars and disharmony; and He keeps the poor, pious devotee over His own head.  In His eyes the scale of values is entirely different!

 

 

In the interest of the Girl Child…

Dear Mommy and Papa,

I am in Heaven now, sitting on God’ lap. He loves me and cries with me; for my heart has been broken. I so wanted to be your little girl.

I don’t quite understand what has happened. I was so excited when I began realizing my existence. I was in a dark, yet comfortable place. I saw I had fingers and toes. I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings. I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping.

Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me. Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you. Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry. I heard Daddy yelling back. I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon. I wondered why you cried so much.

One day you cried almost all of the day. I hurt for you. I couldn’t imagine why you were so unhappy. That same day, the most horrible thing happened. A very mean monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in.

I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never once tried to help me. Maybe you never heard me. The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming, ” Mommy, Mommy, help me please; Mommy, help me.”

Complete terror is all I felt. I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn’t anymore.Then the monster started ripping my arm off. It hurt so bad; the pain I can never explain. Itdidn’t stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop. I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off.

Though I was in such complete pain, I was dying. I knew I would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me.

I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had so many plans to make you happy. Now I couldn’t; all my dreams were shattered. Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all.

I wanted more than anything to be your daughter. No use now, for I was dying a painful death. I could only imagine the terrible things that they had done to you.

I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn’t know the words you could understand. And soon, I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead.I felt myself rising.

I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place. I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone.

The angel took me to God and set me on His lap. He said He loved me. Then I was happy. I asked Him what the thing was that killed me. He answered, “Abortion. I am sorry; for I know how it feels.” I don’t know what abortion is; I guess that’s the name of the monster.

I’m writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl. I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live. I had the will, but I couldn’t; the monster was too powerful. It sucked my arm and legs off and finally got all of me. It was impossible to live. I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you. I didn’t want to die.

Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster.

Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did. Please be careful.

 

Point in your life…

There comes a point in your life when you realize:

Who matters

Who never did

Who won’t anymore

And who always will

So, don’t worry about people from your past

There’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future….

The ABCs of Motivation..

 

A void negative sources, people, places, things and habits.

B elieve in yourself.

C onsider things from every angle.

D on’t give up and don’t give in.

E njoy life today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come.

F amily and friends are hidden treasures; enjoy their riches.

G ive more than you planned to.

H ang on to your dreams.

I gnore those who try to discourage you.

J ust do it.

K eep trying no matter how hard it seems, it will get easier.

L ove yourself first and most.

M ake it happen.

N ever lie, cheat or steal, always strike a fair deal.

O pen your eyes and see things as they really are.

P ractice makes perfect.

Q uitters never win and winners never quit.

R ead, study and learn about everything important in your life.

S top procrastinating.

T ake control of your own destiny.

U nderstand yourself in order to better understand others.

V isualize it.

W ant it more than anything.

eX cellerate your efforts.

Y ou are unique of all God’s creations, nothing can replace YOU.

Z ero in on your target and go for it!