Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation…

If they are counting the bricks…put them in the Accounts Department.

If they are recounting them…put them in Auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks…put them in Engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order…put them in Planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other…put them in Operations.

If they are sleeping…put them in Security.

If they have broken the bricks into pieces…put them in Information Technology.

If they are sitting idle…put them in Human Resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved…put them in Sales.

If they have already left for the day…put them in Marketing.

If they are staring out of the window…put them on Strategic Planning.

And then last but not least, if they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved…congratulate them and put them in Top Management.

A Bitter Reality (written by an Indian ex-software engineer)

… As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in Software Engineering and joined a company based in USA, the land of braves and opportunity.

When I arrived in the USA, it was as if a dream had come true. Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be staying in this country for about five years in which time I would have earned enough money to settle down in India.

My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat. I wanted to do some thing more than him.

I started feeling homesick and lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents every week using cheap international phonecards. Two years passed, two years of Burgers at McDonald’s and pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the Rupee value went down.

Finally, I decided to get married. Told my parents that I have only 10 days of holidays and everything must be done within these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoying hopping for gifts for all my friends back home. If I miss anyone then there will be talks. After reaching home I spent home one week going through all the photographs of girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one candidate.

In-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3 days, as I will not get anymore holidays. After the marriage, it was time to return to USA, after giving some money to my parents and telling the neighbors to look after them, we returned to USA.

My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she started feeling lonely. The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a week sometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing.

After two more years we started to have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so that they can see their grand-children.

Every year I decide to go to India… but part work part monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting India was a distant dream. Then suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I couldn’t get any holidays and thus could not go to India. The next message I got was my parents had passed away and as there was no one to do the last rights the society members had done whatever they could. I was depressed. My parents had passed away without seeing their grand children.

After couple more years passed away, much to my children’s dislike and my wife’s joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to return to the USA.

My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay in India. My 2 children and I returned to USA after promising my wife I would be back for good after two years.

Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my son was happy living in USA. I decided that I had enough and wound-up every thing and returned to India. I had just enough money to buy a decent 2 bedroom flat in a well-developed locality.

Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for the routine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me and gone to the holy abode.

Sometimes I wondered, was it worth all this?

My father, even after staying in India, had a house to his name and I too have the same nothing more.

I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM.

Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This damned cable TV has spoiled our new generation and the children are losing their values and culture because of it. I get occasional cards from my children asking if I am alright. Well, at least they remember me.

Now perhaps after I die, it will be the neighbors again who will be performing my last rights, God Bless them.

But the question still remains…‘was all this worth it?’

I am still searching for an answer……………..!!!

START THINKING…

IS IT JUST FOR ONE EXTRA BED ROOM???

LIFE IS BEYOND THIS…

DON’T JUST LEAVE YOUR LIFE & PARENTS…

START LIVING IT….

BECAUSE, LIFE IS PRECIOUS!!!!

* Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?

* Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they already know there is not enough money?

* Why does someone *Believe* you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?

* Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

* Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

* Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

* Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?

* If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

* Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

* Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

* Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

* Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

* Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

* How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

* When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, ‘It’s all right?’ Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, ‘That really hurt, why don’t you watch where you’re going?’

* Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

* In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

* How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

* The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.

Why sentence structure is so important…It’s so easy to make a mistake and imply the wrong meaning! Read on…

The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.

It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.  Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.

The boss approached her and said: “Debra, I’ve never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off.”

“Could you jack off?” she said. “I feel like shit.”

Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

Law of Gravity – Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.

The following is a post from Les T., the owner of Humor-Erotica @Google Groups

ITS A TRUE STORY…

THIS IS INDIA
IT’S WHERE YOU (non-Indians) CALL WHEN YOU
WHEN YOU HAVE A TECHNICAL PROBLEM
WITH YOUR COMPUTER

I’m now using Windows 7!!

You may recall the problems I had at the beginning of February when I was in contact with the manufacturer of my computer ….  Hewlett-Packard (hp) and spoke to a tech reps from India for about 20 hours trying to upgrade from Vista 64….

They (support at hp in India) managed to complicate things so badly that I finally was forced to reinstall Vista 64…

I spoke to at least 5 different people during this time….

They managed to install Windows 7 but all data and programs were gone! I had a back up drive that they used to try to reinstall everything but lost about 50000 pictures and all my video files (2000) and 10000 songs!!

Well… after much hesitation…. a long letter to the president of hp  (no response)…. and making an up to date backup on an exterior drive… copying my programs to a cd …. etc etc. etc. I decided to call them again last Friday!

This time I got hp support in Nova Scotia (just the luck of the draw)…talked to a tech rep there and explained the situation to him…

Much to my surprise…he told me that an upgrade from Vista to Windows 7 is easily done and the computer should have all data and most of my programs installed and ready to use after the upgrade!!!

He took over my computer, started the process, and told me to be patient for a few hours when someone from his office would call back to check up on the progress.

They called back after a couple of hours and again after another 3-4 hours. By then, all was finished and ALL my data was back and ALL my programs were operational!! (I never needed my backup).

They told me to try it out as some settings are sometimes wrong. The next morning at 10AM…another call from them…I had a short list of settings to change and that took less than 10 minutes!!

All that was left for me to do was download Windows Live email…. and it was automatic… my email addies with Sympatico were all back!!

The agent in Nova Scotia gave me the email addy to the president’s office and he will be hearing from me very soon….

I’m just waiting to be reimbursed for the money I paid to hp…. THEN, I’ll be writing a long long letter asking for compensation!

Tech support? Be very very careful who you speak with… My first clue was the first guy in India who took 2 hours just to take over my computer….I should have hung up after 10 minutes!!

{Even if you’re retired, you sometimes have those days}

Try this out…

Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson.

Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.

Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins…

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

“Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized.”

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, ‘ I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.’

HAVE A NICE DAY
AND REMEMBER
THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB
THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE REAR THAN YOURS!

Ever since man crawled out of the primordial ooze, he has built himself structures to contain the processes of bodily waste removal. These  have been known as “restrooms,” “bathrooms,” “outhouses,” “commodes,”  ”men’s rooms,” and several other names.

As with any exclusive  organization, wholy half the human race aren’t allowed through the  door, and a number of exceedingly complicated customs have arisen to  maintain a sense of order and dignity.

General rules:

1. Don’t talk to somebody you don’t know. You may chat quietly with an acquaintance, but must absolutely not call attention to yourself.
2. A quick glance in the mirror is permissible, but absolutely don’t  spend a significant time arranging hair, clothing, etc. Zit popping is only permissible after checking to see nobody else is around.
3. No profanity of any kind. This is reserved for locker rooms, only.
4. If you must wait, form a single-file line, ragged, and be sure to  keep looking around. Read graffiti.

Graffiti rules:

1. All grafitti is anonymous. If there’s any chance somebody can trace your grafitti back to you, don’t do it.
2. Writing grafitti in the open section of the bathroom is only  acceptable if nobody can see you. Writing in the stalls is similarly  acceptable.
3. If the bathroom is sufficiently public, feel free to insult different ethnic/racial/sexual groups. If the bathroom is used by a small  few, restraint comments to amusing anecdotes or chit-chat about  secretaries. If visiting dignitaries from other companies or the government may tend to use the bathroom, grafitti is forbidden.
4. Traditionally, all pictures feature women in various states of undress. Modern standards often include portions of male anatomy, discretely  placed. Homosexual grafitti is generally frowned upon but is gaining popularity.
5. Pictures must only be drawn in toilet stalls.
6. Any sufficiently interesting graffiti will be painted over by the management of the bathroom.

Urinal rules:

1. Given a string of unoccupied urinals, you must choose one on the outside. When one outside urinal is occupied, use the other side,  then middle. Avoid standing directly next to somebody at all costs.  For example, given seven urinals, here are acceptable configurations: X…… (X == occupied, . == empty) X…..X X..X..X X.X.X.X XXX.X.X <— These are only acceptable when significant XXX.XXX <— “privacy” dividers are available. If the XXXXXXX <— urinals aren’t divided, use a toilet.
2. Always look at the wall. Looking down means you’re obsessed or don’t know what you’re doing. Looking at other people is threatening.
3. Flushing is optional. Over time, the water will become a rich orange. At this point, flushing is mandatory.
4. Don’t start unzipping until you’re protected by the privacy of the urinal. Don’t step back until you’ve closed your pants again.

Toilet rules:

1. Reduce noise at all costs. Grunting is not acceptable.
2. Always flush.
3. When you find an unflushed toilet, leave it alone and use another.

Special cases:

1. Some university dormitories have co-ed bathrooms. New rules apply for dealing with the females…
   a. Never, ever, comment on how they look in the morning.
   b. Don’t ask what the little wastebasket is for.
   c. If urinals are present, only use them when absolutely no females  are around.
   d. If you are noticed by a female, try your best to  ignore her presence until you’re dressed again.
2. Port-O-Let’s and similar constructions are evil. Use them only  if absolutely no other option is available.
3. In the woods, far from civilization, restrooms typically aren’t available. Get behind sufficient growth that you are completely invisible to the remainder of your party, before you begin. Check carefully that you aren’t near any sort of animal or insect den. Ants are especially bad. If you forgot toilet  paper, bring a leaf identifying guide. Poison oak makes a poor substitute.

I arrived at the address and honked the horn.

After waiting a few minutes I walked to the door and knocked.

‘Just a minute’, answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened.

A small woman in her 90′s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940′s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase.

The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

‘Would you carry my bag out to the car?’ she said.

I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness.

‘It’s nothing’, I told her.. ‘I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.’

‘Oh, you’re such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, ‘Could you drive through downtown?’

‘It’s not the shortest way,’ I answered quickly.

‘Oh, I don’t mind,’ she said. ‘I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening.

‘I don’t have any family left,’ she continued in a soft voice.. ‘The doctor says I don’t have very long.’

I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.’What route would you like me to take?’ I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds.

She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, ‘I’m tired. Let’s go now’.

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

‘How much do I owe you?’ She asked, reaching into her purse.

‘Nothing,’ I said.

‘You have to make a living,’ she answered.

‘There are other passengers,’ I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

‘You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,’ she said.

‘Thank you.’

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk.

What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER
EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID,
OR WHAT YOU SAID

~BUT~

THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER
HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

At 4 Years - My daddy is great.

At 6 Years - My daddy knows everybody.

At 10 Years - My daddy is good but is short tempered.

At 12 Years - My daddy was very nice to me when I was young.

At 14 Years - My daddy is getting fastidious.

At 16 Years - My daddy is not in line with the current times.

At 18 Years - My daddy is becoming increasingly cranky.

At 20 Years - Oh! Its becoming difficult to tolerate daddy. Wonder how Mother puts up with him.

At 25 Years - Daddy is objecting to everything.

At 30 Years - I t’s becoming difficult to manage my son. I was so scared of my Father when I was young.

At 40 Years - Daddy brought me up with so much discipline. Even I should do the same.

At 45 Years - I am baffled as to how my daddy brought us up.

At 50 Years - My daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up. I am unable to manage a single son.

At 55 Years - My daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things for us. He is one of his kind and unique.

At 60 Years  - My daddy is great.

It took 56 years to complete the cycle and come back to the 1st stage.
Realize the true value of your parents before its too late.